More thank yous

(Side note: Bonus points for no one! You people need to Netflix Out of Africa. Talk about feeding the soul.)

Today I just wanted to say a big thank you to Leif Enger and Malcolm Gladwell for keeping me company during the most recent bout with insomnia. There is nothing worse than being left alone in the middle of the night with your (out of control, steering towards the unpleasant) thoughts. There is nothing better than being left alone in the middle of the night with a good book. When sleeping is not an option, that is.

What I miss about summer

The farmers' market. The eggs are better there, but more importantly, you can avoid the irritating stickers on every single piece of produce. Going sticker-free just makes my life better.

Do you really like turkey?

I mean honestly: If it just weren't there, would dinner really, truly be ruined? Aren't the stuffing and jell-o and rolls and green bean casserole and everything else enough to make you happy? I was thinking about this, and then it occurred to me:

What about my giblet gravy?

I love giblet gravy, the way Mom makes it, simmering all day long with lots of delicious things stewing together.

But then I translated the thought: What about my sauce made of the internal organs of a dead animal? Maybe I really could live without it.

Just imagine, if we all stopped buying in to the "you have to have a turkey" myth, millions of Gods creations could be spared an awful existence of suffering and squalor, followed by a painful, miserable death.

Here's what I'm thankful for this year: My life is so happy and comfortable that I have time to muse over such things. Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you, Doctor

For not wanting to do an invasive test on my LP (Little Person) just because it would make your job easier.

For using the word "conservative" in describing your treatment philosophy.

For treating me like an intelligent human being, rather than that irritating thing that's keeping you from getting your charts done early.

Hot Pockets and social justice

I am not making this up:

www.eatfreely.org

Fine with me, as long as I'm free to not help pay for your quadruple bypass when you drop dead at the age of 37.

Bonus Points

For the first person to identify the Meryl Streep movie quote in a recent post--movie *and* context. Anyone?

Contemplation

A couple of months ago, I looked at my desk and saw a portrait of my life. Two items: a bottle of Zoloft and a coupon to get butter for just $1.49/pound. Later I thought, It's not a portrait, it's a question: Do I still have a soul?

Then I was listening to the radio the other day and Garrison Keillor had some great music playing, and I almost started crying, and I realized that the answer is, Yes, I have a soul. It's just a little hungry.

So, what do you listen to to feed a hungry soul? The Primary Children's Songbook is great, but it's just not cutting it any longer.

Insomnia

Last night I had an odd dream and woke up determined to share with you an old, not very interesting secret. I was about to pick up my notebook and pen and craft the telling, but I picked up my pillow instead and went to the other room to listen to the BBC.

And I was lying there and I heard one British man said to another British man, So how did you come up with the idea for Colin the Zombie?

And I thought, Yes, I see. This is the way it was intended.

My neck is sore

Teenage boys in a car on a dark and stormy night. Bad combination.

The Costco Way

Me: So, the order I placed is going to take fifteen business days to ship, not seven?

Customer "Service": That's right. That's the Costco way.

Fantastic.

Mommy math

Going To the Doctor by Fred Rogers

+

One plastic doctor kit from 1985

+

One receptive child

=

Two shots, no crying. Not even a flinch.

Things that should be illegal

*High fructose corn syrup

*Disposable cutlery

*DVDs for infants

*Edible products that aren't really food

*Inappropriate use of the apostrophe

*Plastic shopping bags

What have I missed?

Wimps

That's what Thomas Friedman calls his fellow Americans in a recent column entitled Real Men Tax Gas. He's spot on, folks. So read away, then write your congresspeople. Because some day I'd like to hear the New York Times columnists calling all of us something much, much nicer.

My Favorite Thing

My laundry drying rack. It looks kind of like this, but cheaper.

My main reason for using it is to save electricity, so that when the local seas are heaving beyond their bounds I can say that I did my part to stop global warming.

Bumper sticker

"I'm armed and I want my freedoms back."

So I'm curious: Which freedoms, exactly, are you missing? You appear free to drive an unreasonably large truck, carry a weapon, and announce that fact to the world.

Do you want to be free to have other people die while you are insured? Because that is criminal, and criminals deserve prison, not freedom.

Do you want to be free to blow up other countries for absolutely no reason? Well, that's not freedom. That's evil.

It sounds, frankly, like you want the freedom to choose both your actions and their consequences. And that's just ridiculous.

Might I suggest that you are only as free as your closest liberal neighbor, and I'm quite free to say that you are an idiot. So I think we're both doing just fine.

Tofu Tacos

How did tofu tacos end up on regular rotation chez me?

Step 1: Read The Omnivore's Dilemma

Step 2: Read In Defense of Food

Step 3: Read Fast Food Nation

Step 4: Announce to Husband, I'm not going to buy meat any more. I'm going to buy tofu instead.

Step 5: Reply to Husband's queries about the price of tofu. Cheaper than meat? Satisfied.

The secret? High heat, lots of seasoning.

Rotating

For those of you who need help rotating your food storage, here's my tip of the day: Wash your face with sugar. A teaspoon of sugar, a drop of hand soap, and enough water to make a paste. Exfoliate and kill bacteria at the same time.

Wow, I'm sounding more like TAMN every day.

Leo Lionni

When is the last time you read something like this in a children's book? (Read aloud for full effect):

"The sunrays reached down within the weeds and gently shifted patches of luminous color."

From "Fish is Fish".

There but for fortune go you or I

A recent New York Times column on healthcare is here. Let me know what you think.