The Rule of Halves

Something I read in The Complete Tightwad Gazette (yes, I read the whole thing):

Take however much you normally use of something (laundry detergent, face cream, shampoo) and try using half that much. Do you still get the desired result? Then try using half that much again. Continue until you do not get the desired result, then add a little more. That's how much you really need.

Ta-da! You've saved some money and used a little less of the planet's resources. Congratulations in advance!

Pop Quiz III Winner!

Is the baby. I found that list on the back of some Kirkland Signature brand wipes. Imagine that.

I use them when we're out and about, but at home a wet washcloth does just fine. Ingredients: cotton, water.

While you're here, are there any questions you'd like me to answer on Mormonism Monday? It's hard to know what people we sometimes term "those who are not yet members of the Church" might be interested in. So requests are always welcome!

Pop Quiz: Better living through chemistry

From the back of a package found in my home:

Water, propylene glycol, aloe barbadensis leaf juice, tocopheryl acetate, PEG-75 lanolin, disodium cocoamphodiacetate, polysorbate 20, citric acid, disodium phosphate, disodium EDTA, ethylene brassylate, 2-bromo-2-nitropropane-1, 3-diol, iodopropynyl butylcarbamate.

Hopefully obvious hint: it isn't edible. Have at it, gentle readers.

Mormonism not on a Monday: Homosexuality

It's been a busy couple of weeks in Mormondom. General Conference was great, though part of a talk by one of the apostles started a bit of a firestorm.

Here's the talk in full, by Elder Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-23,00.html

From what I understand, the sentence that upset the Human Rights Campaign (and many others, I'm sure) has actually been altered from the original.

Here is the statement released Tuesday in response to the HRC's concerns:

http://beta-newsroom.lds.org/article/church-mormon-responds-to-human-rights-campaign-petition-same-sex-attraction

Here's the gist, in my own words: God's laws surrounding sexuality apply to everyone, gay or straight. And marriage has existed since before the universe came into existence. We can't redefine it because we didn't define it in the first place.

That said, love one another. Love your neighbors. All of them. And please don't say, "Hate the sin, love the sinner," as if you don't sin. Everyone sins. All the more reason to live as the Savior did, with gentleness and kindness and love unfeigned.

Pop Quiz II Winner! (And my thoughts on breakfast)

Auntie R! Though you probably cheated, just like your mother.

Don't get me wrong: I love cereal in all its wondrous iterations. But the ones that are 40% sugar by weight, not so much. Much better for making a frooty necklace than actually eating.

When it comes to breakfast, remember Eloise: You have to eat oatmeal or you'll dry up. Anybody knows that.

Speaking of which, here's what my LP and I have for breakfast most mornings:

1 cup oatmeal (not quick! it's not a whole grain! flee! flee from the quick oats!)

1 1/2 cup milk

Microwave in a nice big bowl for four minutes. Mix frozen berries in with the LP's portion for quick cooling and extra yumminess.

Pop Quiz II

Have at it, my friends:

Sugar, Corn Flour, Wheat Flour, Whole Oat Flour, Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil, Salt, Sodium Ascorbate and Ascorbic Acid, Reduced Iron, Natural Flavors, Red No. 40, Blue No. 2, Yellow No. 6, Zinc Oxide, Niacinamide, Turmeric Color, Blue No. 1, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Riboflavin, Thiamin Hydrochloride, Vitamin A Palmitate, Annatto Color, BHT, Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12.

Mormonism Mondays: Tithing

So it isn't Monday any more. I'm busy, okay?

For the official word on tithing, read up here. My take is as follows: When you make money in some way, you move the decimal point one space to the left, and give that to the Church. Prosperity, happiness, and the occasional miracle ensue.

Also, you get some practice in remembering that money is just money, and that however you managed to get it is just a result of the Lord blessing you.

And, most importantly, when you're reading what Bruce R. McConkie has to say about people who don't pay their tithing, you're not racked with guilt, fear and awful shame. Talk about priceless.

Pop Quiz Winner!

Is Lois! The correct answer was chocolate cake, but Janice cheated, so Lois was closest in her guess. Sorry, Mom!

We were actually discussing this the other day, Lois and Janice/Mom and I. They say all those weird chemicals in cake mix make a better cake than you get from scratch. Say it ain't so. Does anyone out there have a good, real cake recipe? I'm sure we can find something better than Polysorbate 60 to feed each other on our birthdays.

Pop Quiz

Here are the ingredients. Can you name what's in the box?

Sugar, enriched bleached flour, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, modified corn starch, cocoa processed with alkali, dextrose, baking powder, propylene glycol monoesters, carob powder, cornstarch, salt, mono- and diglycerides, natural and artificial flavor, cellulose, guar gum, polysorbate 60, cellulose gum, TBHQ, citric acid, soy lecithin.

Bonus points if you can tell me what a monoester is, what TBHQ stands for, or the purpose of polysorbate 60.

Mormonism Mondays: Birth Control

So a friend of the family made a comment this weekend about a Mormon housewife. Something about her being expected to have a bunch of kids. I don't think she realized how many current and former Mormon housewives were in the room. Sadly, we didn't have time to talk that through. So here we are.

As you can imagine, this is something upon which the Church's stand has changed with time. I think the advent of widely available birth control terrified Church leadership. We believe in having children, always have, always will. We believe that's why the earth was created: so the spirit children God has already fathered can be born and live and die, becoming a little more like Him in the process. So if everyone can keep living like they are, but no one gets pregnant, all creation is for naught.

It turns out, however, that many people want to have kids, and that being to space them out and have no more than you can feed is a good thing. The official word can be found here. In a nutshell: Kids are good. Having them at the time and under the circumstances that's best for your family is good. As for expectations, we're expected to do the very best we can, whatever that may be.

Soy Chorizo

Just in case you're worried this is going to turn into a boring treatise on religion, I thought I'd go back to ranting about food for a minute. Not really. Just a quick shout out to the soy chorizo at your local Trader Joe's. I've never had the real thing, but their version is cheap, delicious, and not made out of dead pigs. I mix it with spaghetti, garlic, onions and chickpeas, and sprinkle toasted almonds on top. Yum.

Mormonism Monday: The Lingo

Last week, Lindsay was good enough to mention YM/YW. This brought to mind the problem of our parlance. I thought this week I'd just offer a couple of sample sentences, with translation.

"The YM/YW will be holding a Mutual fireside in the Stake Center Relief Society room on Fast Sunday."

Read: The leadership over the 12-17-year-old kids will be holding an inspirational talk/devotional for this age group (formerly called the Mutual Improvement Association) at the building which houses the offices of the leadership over the eleven to thirteen nearest congregations/a satellite dish for receiving broadcasts from Salt Lake in the room in that building primarily used for meetings of the local women 18 and up on the first Sunday of the month.

I'm out of breath. Let's try a couple more:

"Did listen to General Conference?"

Read: Did you go to the Stake Center/go online to hear the eight hours of talks/Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing that were broadcast from Salt Lake on the first weekend of April or October, whichever was most recent, thus moving the normal Fast Sunday to the week before or after?

Finally, there's Uncle S's favorite word: "Ward." Not psycho ward, not maternity ward (though there are times when it can feel like one or both). It means congregation. And for us, it also means the neighborhood. Because we don't get to pick who we go to church with--geographical boundaries are set way above the pay grade of anyone I know. So if you don't like the other YM/YW you happen to live near, or the Relief Society in your area makes you nuts, tough luck. You just have a chance to learn how to love and serve the people around you, no matter what. If that isn't a quick way to make us into better Christians, I don't know what is.

Mormonism Mondays

A fascinating new feature here. Started because my brother-in-law, who's known the family for a number of years, just found out in July that we fast once a month. I started to wonder what other basic things those close to us have just somehow missed.

So, in honor of Uncle S, our first topic is fasting. The complete rundown can be found here. In a nutshell: on the first Sunday of the month, everyone in the Church skips two meals. This is accompanied by prayer and the giving of a fast offering. Click on that link up there if you want to know what a fast offering is.

I've never liked fasting. Lots of excuses: I like to eat, I'm chronically anemic, I have low blood pressure, blah blah blah. But it's gotten better in recent years as I've tried harder to make it what it should be--training the body to be an instrument of the spirit, and not the other way around. Focusing on a problem, a question, or a needed blessing makes a fast much more worthwhile, and less like just going hungry. And sometimes, when the spirit is being fed through the singing of hymns, meditation, study of the scriptures, the body starts to feel less hungry. Yes, some things really can feel more satisfying than food.

Do you like Mormonism Mondays? Do you have a request for a topic? Remember, it's your comments that are seriously, so fascinating.

Eggs

I heard some eggs were recalled last week. The chickens were living in filth and misery, and lo and behold, their eggs were not fit for consumption.

I'm happy to say, I didn't have to worry about this in the slightest. My eggs, while a little more expensive than the factory ones that occasionally turn out to be poisonous, come from a farm an hour from here. I know the people who raise the chickens. I know what the chickens eat (seasonal, vegetarian food; and bugs) and how they live (outdoors, running around, scratching in the dirt and harassing each other).

I know these things because I buy eggs not from a corporation but from the actual people who raise them, at my local farmers market. They might be at yours, too, (their schedule is here) with meat and cheese...and yummy, non-poisonous eggs.

Laundry, dishes, floors, and...

A study of the diagnostic accuracy of the PHQ-9 in primary care elderly. Nice to remember I used to be a person.

Praise God, From Whom All Blessings Flow

The baby only woke up once last night. Hallelujah!

Good advice

(Click here for the full story. )

“[Every component of human milk is] there for a purpose, though we’re still figuring out what that purpose is,” Dr. Mills said. “So for God’s sake, please breast-feed."

Sometimes...

...dinner comes out purple. Such is life.

bebe au lait

It's one of those nursing cover things you're grateful you have in your bag when you're in the middle of Target and the VLP (Very Little Person) starts screaming and the bouncing doesn't work, and taking a pacifier off the shelf and opening it and putting it in his mouth doesn't work, and you think to yourself, "Well, I could give up the one night I can be out shopping like this and drive home, or I can pull up my shirt right here in aisle N11 and nurse this child," and you pick the latter option--without also having to choose to expose yourself to all your fellow shoppers. Love it.

Since you asked

No, we're not circumcising the baby.

Why not?

Well, I wouldn't circumcise my daughter, so why would I circumcise my son?

Speaking of multitasking

On Monday I did my part to hurt BP, stop global warming, and reduce my personal burden on our healthcare system. We ran out of eggs, and I *walked* to the store.

How about you?

Things you didn't know...

...you could do with one hand (while holding--even nursing!--a baby):

-go to the bathroom

-open a child-proof container

-make breakfast

-eat breakfast

-lift a 30-pound older sibling

-type pretty well

I'm sure other talents will develop as time goes on. I'll let you know.

Kind of fun

To see teenagers' cars driving around with "Go Seniors!" scrawled on the back windows, and imagine that they're expressing support for the older adults in our community.

Food

Love it. Favorite new source: the Moroccan place at the mall. They have some of the best food ever at the mall. If you live near me, I'm actually talking about the ghetto mall (you know what I mean) as opposed to the fancy one a little farther north.

The chef was born and raised in Casablanca. You can tell that's true when you eat there. Oh my goodness. Talk about delicious. Stews and soup and lemony chicken and kebabs and all kinds of wonderful. The Mexican place and the Greek place are also good (not chains, run by people who cook the food themselves) but they are well established and will make it if you don't eat there often.

So head down to the less-fun mall. Don't shop, just eat. Your tummy will thank you.

I'm trying

But then, out of nowhere, my fridge turns extra cold and freezes my expensive organic lettuce. I was really looking forward to that lettuce. Maybe the Lord will come soon and the trials and tribulations of a fallen world will, at last, come to an end.

Things that could disappear

...and the world would be a better place.

Instead of a list, let me just focus on one thing I don't like: disposable paper products.

Here's what Emerson says in Nature:

"Nothing in nature is exhausted in its first use. When a thing has served an end to the uttermost, it is wholly new for an ulterior service. In God, every end is converted into a new means."

In other words, using something once and throwing it away is pretty much a sin.

So just consider:

-enough cotton handkerchiefs to have a new one or three every day

-enough dish rags to wash one or three every day

-cloth diapers

-cloth wipes, even

-pieces of an old towel for general spills, glass, bathroom counters...

-a microfiber dust cloth instead of all those Swiffers

-napkins. made of cloth. when there is no company coming. just imagine.

What do you think, gentle readers? Wouldn't the world be many times better?

Take that, Glenn Beck

From a commentary on lds.org:

"The need for civility is perhaps most relevant in the realm of partisan politics. As the Church operates in countries around the world, it embraces the richness of pluralism. Thus, the political diversity of Latter-day Saints spans the ideological spectrum. Individual members are free to choose their own political philosophy and affiliation. Moreover, the Church itself is not aligned with any particular political ideology or movement. It defies category. Its moral values may be expressed in a number of parties and ideologies.

Furthermore, the Church views with concern the politics of fear and rhetorical extremism that render civil discussion impossible. As the Church begins to rise in prominence and its members achieve a higher public profile, a diversity of voices and opinions naturally follows. Some may even mistake these voices as being authoritative or representative of the Church. However, individual members think and speak for themselves. Only the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles speak for the whole Church."

Venting

Say it with me: "Chickens lay, people lie." We're not talking about dishonesty, we're talking about grammar.

"I'm going to lay down for a few minutes." Lay what? An egg of your own?

Please please please, you can lay out your clothes, lay out a plan, whatever. But when it is you, the word is *lie*.

Let me know when you're ready for the difference between affect and effect. There, they're and their should have been covered by your third grade teacher, but I'm happy to offer a refresher any time. Just say the word.

Alternative Radio

The show airs Wednesday nights on my local public radio channel. Here are some direct quotes from last week's speaker, Vandana Shiva:

"I find cars to be oppressive!"

"White bread is racist bread!"

"They shouldn't call it polished rice, they should call it killer rice. Because that's what it is."

Her views on the world were moderate for AR standards. I love this show. If they don't have it in your neighborhood, find out why. Because left-wing fringe rhetoric is a fun, energizing way to wrap up your day.

Access

Nicholas Kristof has a great op-ed in the New York Times today. He points out that if people have access to medical care, they don't get sick and die as easily. Imagine that. I thought I would share excerpts.

"Partly because of lack of access, American health statistics are notorious: Our children are two-and-a-half times as likely to die before the age of 5 as children in Sweden. American women are 11 times as likely to die in pregnancy or childbirth as Irish women. The average person in Honduras or Vietnam is expected to live longer than the average African-American in New Orleans."

That's nice, you say, but what if tax dollars go to funding abortions? Isn't that reason enough to kill the whole bill? Again, a question of access:

"The United States has one-third more abortions per 1,000 women of reproductive age than Canada, and more than twice as many as Germany.... While countries with liberal social policies typically make abortion accessible and cheap, they make other elements of health care accessible and cheap as well — such as contraception and child care."

I haven't actually had the chance to talk with anyone who opposes healthcare reform. Are you one of them? What do you think?

The great vice

I was reading here about the question of why mothers are so judgmental of each other. I wondered this about myself--why am so indignant at the sight of people doing things wrong, like using formula, or disposable diapers, or using time outs before the age of four and a half, or having kids too close together, or having kids too far apart.... If everyone were like me, wouldn't the world be better?

Of course it would. But why don't we just live and let live? I think Ezra Taft Benson answered the question well in his seminal talk on pride.

"The proud make every [wo]man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)"

What do you think?

Are you listening?

I am.

waitwait.npr.org

Surrounded By Zombies

That's how I felt the other day at Target. Probably half of the people I saw were either talking on the phone or texting while wandering aimlessly through the aisles. Seeing this sort of heightened level of unconsciousness all around me was unnerving and weird.

Then the Ensign came, and an Elder Whiting had something to say about this too. He is particularly concerned with the difficulty in hearing God speak to you while you're talking on the phone during every waking moment.

I agree with him. Shouldn't there be at least a little time during the day when our world is quiet enough to hear the still, small voice of God?

One good thing

In all fairness to my dear doctor, she has done one thing for me: referral to physical therapy for my poor pelvic floor.

(If you're not one of those people who talks about other people's pelvic floors in a casual and open way, just read another post.)

At my last appointment, I mentioned the weakness and soreness I've had at different times since my first (rawther dramatical) delivery. I thought I might just have to wait for the resurrection for everything to be back as it was. I waited nicely for her to tell me to do more Kegel exercises. But instead, she referred me to PT.

Once a week I go to this nice lady, and yes, we do Kegels. And biofeedback. And perineal massage. And deep breathing. Then, I dutifully do all my exercises at home, twice a day without fail. Sometimes.

It's only been a few weeks, and I've made some progress. So if you've had a baby (or not) and things just don't feel quite right, go find a nice lady of your own and get to work. Sometimes you can do a little better than just waiting for the resurrection.

Cookies, cont.

My OB looks at my weight gain on her little chart. "Wow, that's a big jump." Well, I said, I've been using cookies to deal with mood swings. I've decided to switch to exercise.

So how much weight have I actually gained? I queried.

Eighteen pounds. In 25 weeks.

I'm thinking I should develop diabetes, or pneumonia, or cancer, or something, and give the poor woman something to do. Because when a healthy person comes before a highly trained physician, I think they just get lost and don't know what to do. Of course, a good friend just got the same meaningless lecture from her midwife, so who knows. Mom says we should all go back to the farm and have Ina May take care of us. Sounds like a plan.

Compensating

When I think the LP is going to take a nap but doesn't, that's permission for me to eat an unlimited number of chocolate chip cookies for reasons of Frustration Management, right?

Right.

I'm glad we had this little talk.

I can answer that...

...with a hymn.

Q: To celebrate the 174th anniversary of the founding of the Relief Society, should we have three kinds of meat pizzas among the twelve pizzas we're making from scratch, or just two?

A: Hymn 307, penned by the Poetess of the Church, Sister Eliza R. Snow. She writes (in part):

That the children may live long, and be beautiful and strong,

Tea and coffee and tobacco they despise.,

Drink no liquor, and they eat but a very little meat;

They are seeking to be great and good and wise.

Don't worry, I'll chop extra vegetables to compensate.

The world is coming to an end

The average american child spends all of their waking (non-school) hours consuming some form of media. The average american child gets forty percent of their calories from "foods" with no nutritional value.

Wasn't the average american child born to somebody? Like a parent? Would it really be so hard to just say, in the words of Judith Viorst, "No I refuse to. No I don't choose to. No I most certainly don't,"?

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/20/education/20wired.html?em

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/20/dining/20gusti.html?em

In case you were wondering

It's a boy!

I agree

Was thinking about this verse, and how Mireille Guiliano and the Lord may not agree on everything, but they (and I) agree on this:

Doctrine and Covenants 59 18 Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart; 19 Yea, for food and for rainment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul.

Don't you?

Direct Quote

"I just love Black Bean Burgers more every time you make them."

-Husband

No kidding.

So, I thought I should share. Special thanks to Mark Bittman in How To Cook Everything Vegetarian.

Black Bean Burgers

1 can black beans

1 onion, quartered

1 egg

1/2 c rolled oats

1 T chili powder (or Italian seasoning, or taco seasoning, or whatever)

Mix in food processor, but don't quite puree. Glop patty-sized portions onto an oiled pan over medium heat. Spread glops into patty-ish shapes and brown each side. Serve as though made from a dead cow (but cheaper and yummier).

Don't be shy, now

Tell us what you really think, Elder Holland.