I'm sure you've all been wondering where I went between February and May. To the doctor, unfortunately. All kinds of weird symptoms, like a swollen face and numb left arm and a persistent gagging sensation. Did I have allergies? No. Multiple sclerosis? Nope. Lou Gehrig's disease? That was in the running for a while. I got in to see Doctor #5, an uber-specialist in this kind of thing. What did he say to me?
"Why so little Zoloft?"
Why, indeed. It turns out that stress can do all kinds of interesting things to you. My friends have had chronic migraines and secondary infertility attributed to stress. My body just acts like I'm going to die, and soon.
Overall, the news is 100% good. We've put in place some badly needed de-stressing mechanisms. Also, my funeral is all planned. Just give me another 70 years or so, and we'll have quite the party.
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